I have known the rapture of travel.
The moments of waking up in a completely new city, new country, not knowing the language and having the whole day ahead of me to do whatever I want. Every moment is an adventure. Walking out of the hotel to find a cup of tea or explore what’s around the corner feels like a sci-fi movie.
Why science fiction? Because I realize in those moments everything is a choice. It’s all about my perspective how the day unfolds the way it does. So many options are available that I’m completely unaware of. Things happening around me I couldn’t possibly understand and have no way of knowing about through my intellect. Some experiences are beyond knowing, they are simply about feeling. They are beyond scary because I have no life experience to compare or give them context. I simply sit back and receive, get into the experience and for the first time in my life get very comfortable with saying,”I don’t know.”
I don’t know where I’m going next. I don’t know why I came to this country. I don’t know why I’m still here. I don’t know why I’ve haven’t been in love yet. I don’t know why I’m not married yet. I don’t know why I don’t have kids yet. I don’t know why I still don’t miss home.
In those moments I have to remind myself it’s all a choice. It’s a choice about how we look at the very next moment. When I’m in synch with that I’m in the rapture of life…and travel takes me there. Travel seems to be the portal to show me where my negativity can push me off course and where my trust in saying “yes” to opportunities that make no sense to me what-so-ever can somehow lead me to a greater, deeper connection with others. The experiences that show me how interconnected we all are around the world and even beyond.
Do other people have to travel to feel that way? I would love to wake up one morning in San Francisco and feel that sense of excitement about the day. That feeling of exploring life in that city. I had that feeling when I was a kid and I lost it along the way. What I remember now is waking up every morning in San Francisco with a deep feeling of dread. Dread of having to check email, dread of going to the office…again. Not wanting to talk on the phone and feeling there wasn’t anything worth talking about.
Life wasn’t working out for me the way I wanted it to. I thought it was just my life. Now I’m realizing this is a common feeling for people. Every day I felt like the day got away from me. My thoughts, time, money and energy were all going in so many directions that I allowed other people to choose and direct my life unconsciously. Other people were advising me. Other people were giving their opinions. I listened closely, (people told me it’s a strength) intently and mimicked them perfectly. I did what they said and things worked out just as they said. Then, one morning, I woke up saying , “What the hell? How did I get here? This isn’t what I wanted …”